"He Doesn't Deserve You"

     This one's for the girls.
     I recently stumbled upon a quote that disturbed me: "If he can't love you for the silly, upbeat, quirky girl that you are, he doesn't deserve you!" I thought about how many times I had seen or heard those four words together - "he doesn't deserve you". I looked it up, and these are only a few of the things I found: "Eventually, one of two things will happen. He will realize you're worth it, or you'll realize that he isn't." A quote by Erica Baican saying, "If he doesn't love you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best." Ultimate breakup advice, such as, "If he doesn't chase you after you walk away, keep walking" and "You say people change, you say they all deserve second chances, but he hurt you.... He isn't everyone, because he doesn't deserve you or a second chance." A few even brought religion into it, such as, "Only God can give you the person that loves Him enough to deserve you." Or even the a nail polish description, "Wear this deep, 'crushed glitter' red when you are feeling particularly out of his league. He doesn't deserve you anyway."
     I'm not saying there is no truth in any of these, but I am saying that they aren't fair, and they are not kind. And yes, in some cases they are completely untrue.
     We've come so far with the feminist movement, but some people - women especially - have come to think esteeming women must mean degrading men. That thought is such a lie, it's sick. The feminist movement is about equality. Fun secret: so are relationships.
     Sayings like the ones I listed above establish the false principle that men are supposed to be the ones to work for the relationship. That if your man doesn't love you all of your faults he is inferior and wrong. That you are generally out of his league - everyone's league. That he should worship the ground you walk on, or he isn't a "real man".
     Ladies, are we really going to allow talk like this to continue? Maybe the guy you want doesn't want you back - that doesn't mean he is a piece of trash! It means he's not right for you. That does not change his worth.
     Can we even comprehend how detrimental this message is to men? It sets up rules for them, rules that supposedly govern their relationships and determine their worth. It turns relationships into fragile glass ornaments, ready to break no matter how you pack them or hang them. "Don't get angry at her, don't insult her, love every last bit of her always, treat her like a princess, or you are worthless. She is always right, she doesn't need to worry, because you are the lesser half of the relationship." Girls, you will never get that constantly out of a relationship, and you shouldn't ask for it. Yes, your man should respect you immensely. Yes, he should love you always. Yes, he should try to be kind in every event. But he will never be perfect, and neither will your relationship. That doesn't mean he doesn't deserve you, or he is less than you, or you should pack your bags and see if he cares enough to go after you.
     Can we even comprehend how detrimental this message is to women? It tells us that we don't have to work for our relationships - that's his job. If he isn't chasing you down when you walk away, you keep walking. You are the princess, you are ultimately deserving. He has to work to be worthy of you. Maybe the words feel nice on your burns, but they won't do any good for your heart.
     Can we even comprehend how detrimental this message is to relationships? We are brainwashed into thinking it's an all and nothing thing - that either he knows you have worth or he doesn't have worth. We are tricked into thinking it's perfect or it's over - he's perfect or he doesn't deserve you. We are taught that relationships should be flawless - in loving each other, in getting along. Please know, nothing could be further from the truth. There will be things you have to take time to accept about him, and vice versa. There will be disagreements, arguments, even. And not everything is his fault. And most importantly, a relationship is a two person deal. You have to meet in the middle.
     What I'm saying is that his worth is infinite - just like yours. Even if it doesn't work out, even if he makes a mistake. There is no deserving. There is working together to work it out, sacrifice and tears and sweat, love, hurting, joy, tolerance, equality, but there is no deserving. Please, girls. Remember that one.